so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize