Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize