There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
