were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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