You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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