i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
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