True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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