also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
