So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
