my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Randomize