nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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