I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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