If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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