Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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