FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
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