I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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