Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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