YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
