I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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