are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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