They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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