You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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