we have officially lost it.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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