Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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