If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
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