before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
