when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
