3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
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