apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
