I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
