god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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