its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
