FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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