Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
