Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
