Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Sorry about my life...
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
