Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Randomize
