i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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