I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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