can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
