I skipped work to stalk him.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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