Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize