she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
