you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
