that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize