Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
