I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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