Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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