The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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