giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I'm at about main and main street
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
