Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
