Whod you bang
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
i think my cat just said my name.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
