You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
