..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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