I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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