Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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