1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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