You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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