You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Everything about him screamed your future.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
