Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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