i just wanna soil my oats bro
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Randomize
