that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
