Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Can you bring me the toilet please
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
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