Duck Duck Cougar?
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
