Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
