i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Randomize
