I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
