i would punch a child for taco bell
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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